dont know why but the thought hit me now and i see a huge change in my own mentality. its finally far far away from me, the thought had never crossed my mind for a long time.
perhaps my darkest period of life is irony what was supposed to be fun and happiness. self multilation was evident, thought that it was there to prove that im alive. had the thinking that i have the need to feel the pain to at least know i exist in this world.
the scars can still be faintly seen but one thing is for certain, the pain is no longer there. im a much happier person compared to who i was in the past.
maybe it was stupid, childish and whatever negative terms anyone can think about. maybe, maybe, maybe..... but that was who i am in the past and i cannot deny that even if at this point i wished i didnt do all that then. that me in the past thought that it was worth it for that feeling that can be attained, let it be. at least i did not live with any regrets due to my actions then.
well, thats all the THEN part.
im living a happy life right now. everything good happens to me and im grateful for it. =)
they are the reason why i smile. =)
my sisters are a major part of my life and i adore them to the core. heh.
i love the way each of us laugh at our own stupid actions, the things we said,time we spend together and the way we embrace each other's weakness and try our best to help one another. with no doubt, they are rooted deeply inside of me =)
the pair of hands that chooses to hold onto mine... staying so close to me no matter what happens.
sometimes the owner would look at me with a shocking expression at the things that ive done. perhaps it was some unexpected childish things that i should have not even do it. yet he embraces my childish behaviour. after that shocking expression, he would smile and say 'huai dan arh ni'.
sometimes i will throw temper at the owner and hurt his feelings deeply. it was obvious to me yet i choose stay in my own little anger world. no matter what wrong i did to him, he would give in all the time.
sometimes the things i do caused the owner to be angry. most of the time he was angry because he felt that im hurting myself with the things i did. he doesnt understand and got angry me. all that was needed is me holding his hands and say 'bu yao shen qi le lah'
all the anger in owner seems to disappear into thin air.
everyday i would laugh at the owner about something. throwing unpleasant names at him and making everything seems to be a joke. he never got angry and laughed along with me.
when i cry, the owner will get worried and blame himself for every tear that was dropped. he knows i need him with me, he would be there.
its just him.
