My heart twitched momentarily when he said that. That kind of pain had not been felt for a long long time. I have forgotten how it hurts and even to spell it. Following that was a tensed/anxious mind that i started to lose the concentration and lose the momentum of the things i was doing. The only thing that was in my heart was ' No, no he wouldnt. he wouldnt, he wouldnt' yet i was at the same time questioning who could she be? it was a mixed feeling that swept me off my feet. my body felt numbed even when i decided that the event was impossible because i could trust him.

i knew what was going through my heart and body.


Jealousy would be the word to sum up all these feelings.



im loving you all over again.

Today i felt something that i couldnt see for a long time. Perhaps i was blinded by my own pride and self-centered behaviour for the past one year plus of my relation that i failed to even see it. or maybe the length of this relation had wear off my vision. i always claimed that i understood and know but when i look back, how much do i actually think i know?

i was living in my own world thinking that i could see everything.

yet, today dearest made me the happiest girl ever and everything is so much clearer right now

i love you dearest.
today i saw it, i saw all the efforts that you have been making.
that satisfied face when you told me that you are happy because your world is happy.
i know your tired and unsure yet you have never failed to show me that smile.
your heart-warming smile never fails to comfort me.
sorry to be blinded all the time and failing to see how much all the simple things meant.
i dont know what i have done to find someone like you but im sure it must be some world-saving deed.

love you =)

Christmas this year was really great even though there were some dead fish eye moron who tried to give me a hard time. hey, im not mad or anything but i pity that moron's ball-less boyfriend who is only capable of acting like a wimp! i really look down on wimps who couldnt control their girlfriends and allow their girl to behave like some lunatic or lose cannon.



with people like that around, im more thankful that i have chosen a right boyfriend. every time when i witness or experience some crappy events that my guy friends do, i will look at my boyfriend and be really really really thankful towards him. wee~

spent my time walking around marina and suntec yesterday then watched YES MAN with dearest. it was funny as usual and jim carrey's movie had never disappointed me. yay~ while waiting for the movie to start, dearest and i decided to take pictures because we hadnt taken one for a damn long long long time.

anyway i have been telling boyfriend that he has a fake smile whenever he has his photo taken. he always give that time smile which only showed the upper row of his teeth and the sides of his face looks cramp. Okay, this is bad description but his smile is just bloody fake and he would be so much better not smiling at all. =)

here are some examples

1) Act innocent and dont know want to smile anot. awkward face


2) typical bloody fake smile

3) aiya might as well dont smile

4) one dimple smile ( yes, he only have ONE dimple on his tiny face)

perhaps dearest have noticed how stupid and fake his smile looked all the time that he decided to give a sincere smile during christmas. i am really happy that dearest actually appeared to be sincerely happy for the first time after the past 30 years of unhappy photo-taking. so here it is!

wee

he is not shy. he is attempting a new stunt of hiding his entire head behind his shoulders and he failed. i would fault his big nose for the failed attempt.

before having the picture taken, he insisted to have it taken at a 90degrees angle. i was screaming 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, MY FACE WILL LOOK VERY BIG!'

.................

............

........

....

..

.

YA IN THE END MY FACE IS LIKE FREAKING BIG LAH. KNS

best picture of the day =) wee~ AND MY FACE IS FREAKING SMALL, WAHAHAHAA

christmas eve was spent with my dearest sistas. it was rather simple but very very very interesting. hehehe

it started with the dinner

the dinner was so filling that huizhen and i almost puke.

so in the end lia had to stuff everything down again. wahahhaa

then we went to lia's house to watch some 'interesting' movie. okay not very interesting actually, i almost fell asleep on the bed while the two were concentrating intensively on the screen.

ya lah, we watched some prostitute and gay movies.

the interesting part is the gift exchange.

the three of us are obviously unapreciative of the gifts prepared by each other. THEY EVEN CONDEMN MY MELROSE FLIPFLOPS just because of the colour.

lol, whatever lah~~~~~~~~~~

i love you guys!

Been extremely busy these days doing things that i always love!

1) walked around town till my legs gave in and started to complain non-stop by sending painful messages.

2) Hang out with my favourite crappy girlgirl for half a day.


3) Watched anime on youtube for the whole day.


4) Jogged whenever i feel like it ( its unbelieveable but i actually did it okay?)

5) Played psp until the battery was totally drained off. ( Thats before shit ass took it away )

so whatever it is, i shall just post up pictures. im too bloody lazy to elaborate what happened recently.


so enjoy!

nites!

someone gave a great advice just now,

'There are so many ways that a man can use to show that he really loves the woman. The first thing to start with is not to upset and hurt her. By avoid those things that would hurt her, you are showing that you love her'

its so simple yet so many failed to even express the meaning out to the ones they love, that includes me.

think if the things you do actually hurt your girl, avoid it if she really mattered to you.

***

wee~ yesterday i went for a facial treatment with shiying!!! lalala. anyway i was so impressed with the skill of that lady because she managed to squeeze out the pus from my 'ever-lasting' pimple ( which was located at the most prominent place on my face and bothering me for like more than a month) and got rid of almost all the nasty white or black heads on my nose.

now i have a squeeky clean nose and IM LOVIN' IT!

since i have a damn clean face, i decided to further 'take care' of my face by using the eyemask. YES, THE ONE I HAVE BEEN INTRODUCING TO ANY AND EVERYONE WITH SERIOUS DARK RINGS! being the lazy me, i left the eyepatch overnight and ta-dah! the darkrings around my eyes really lighten up!

gosh, i must be damn bloody lucky to meet great products for my face =)

still remember that i had pimples outbreak when i was secondary two and suay suay that year my form teacher want to 'por' the principle by acting creative. he took the individual picture of the entire class and stuck it on the walls of our class. fucking suay lah, i had the worst skin ever on that day when the photo is taken. when we got back the photo at the end of the year, i tore it away. guess i was running away from the truth but fuck it lah who cares?

aiya, i tired

bye

'I sit on a man's back, choking him and making him carry me, and yet assure myself and others that I am very sorry for him and wish to ease his lot by all possible means—except by getting off his back. ' - Leo Tolstoy

this quote is si bei mean but it says so much about the nature of human.

reflect on it.

sometimes i wish that...

...you would pay a little bit more attention on the things that Ive said. I'm getting older and it has become a torture to repeat myself time and time again.

...your wandering eyes would just fix on me. after all, I'm the one who had promised eternity with you.

...that things would become simpler so that we would not be distracted.

...we would hold a little tighter. the world is filled with wonders and we might get too fascinated that eventually we lose track of each other.

...our hearts can merge as one, misunderstandings would decrease and there would be less mind-guessing games.

...we would feel each other with our heart and soul. everything else in the world would falter and fade away one day but only the true self of one would remain strong.

...your memory would be better so that all the promises made would be kept.

...my presence in your heart would be deeply rooted that you will think about me and the things we did when your unhappy and that would be the reason enough to make you smile.

to you:
there's nothing but the most sincere love for you. your the one who saved me from all that misery i have caused myself. when i reflect about how my past, it became so unworthy because your the one who showed me what love is. you hang onto me after all the hardships, i understand its not easy because we are so different in all the ways. yet as time goes by, all the differences had become into similarities, we've tried to accept, embrace and adapt to each other.

i love you like i never did before.
hearts

read some 12 year old girl's blog and AHHHhHhhHh i blog like them!! exactly the same way when i am trying to build up suspense... arhhh, children in the new generation learn pretty fast uh? or am i the who have not grown up? wahaha

ohh, about the topic of growing up, the thought of this movie that i just watched crossed my mind.

yes, i watched winx. Its not the one on tv but the actual movie.

i really dont know what to begin with, remembered that hengling told me that the movie was ending soon and there was no one who was interested in it. watched a couple of children's movie before like Charlie and choc factory ( my favourite ), madagascar (1 and 2) , kungfu panda and wall-e. all of it was really funny and meaningful so i thought this one would be around the same standard. watched the preview before and the animations were impressive, really different from the ones on tv.

come'on its only winx, how bad can it get?

i thought to myself.

im stuck, i dont even know how to go on further to comment on my close to 2 hours experience in the cinema. its really a movie for kids, hengling complaint that i made alot of noise during the entire movie. not that i do it on purpose but i.......i....... i cannot help it lah! mostly the noises were made up of sighing and huhs?

if im nice i would say

" if my age can be deducted by 7-10, i would love it! its all so princess-cy, like a dream come true. its like a girl's dream come true with all the magic and good looking prince/king just for that princess alone.''

okay. but im not nice, im mean! so i wouldnt even bother to comment.

i guess the drama element really shocked me.dont hate the movie, i dont like it either. i would suggest people above age 13 to completely give up the thoughts of watching this.

comentless

Bad news, bad news and more bad news.

today could be labeled as one of the worst day that had ever written in the history of my life. it really sucks to the core, leaving me really disheartened and tired.

woke up in the morning feeling extremely restless and rowdy. feel like i didnt want to attend the stupid graduation ceremony because it dont really make much sense. im really someone who look out for 'signs' to predict how my day would go.

so as i were preparing for the day, there were 'signs' to warn me about the day

1) i woke up feeling like crap and tried to run away from event by messaging mandy and hoping that she would tell me that they didnt prepare my seat.
2) i broke the mug that my juniors gave ( bad )
3)at one point of time, i thought i 'lost' my keys. ( CRAP, WHY DID I EVEN FIND IT?)
4) dearest and hengling told me that they dont have extra safety pins for me so i thought that the academic dress was gone.

ALL THE SIGNS IS STARING RIGHT INTO MY FACE! WHY DID I EVEN GO.

ya, i went lah. list of lousy events.

1)I FREAKING LOST MY EZ-LINK
felt like my world was down and everything starts to fall apart. WHY DID I LOSE MY EZ LINK LIKE ONE MILLION TIMES JUST THIS YEAR? though i kept telling myself that it was okay as i will be paying adult fare soon. yet it screwed my plan of chiong-ing my driving lessons during the december because the student transport fares would be cheaper.

so hell with it! my plan is screwed so i will be taking my own time to complete the driving lessons. that sucks

2) i missed that freaking sales. im fucked up.
70% Marc Jacobs Sales
30% DKNY
30% Burberry

='c

why why why?
( btw im in love with a dkny bag~ wee~)

3) dearest had a last minute instruction that he had to work last minute. he was pissed and it affected me.

4)it rained when we are about to bring girl girl to the park to see her friends. even though the rain stopped when we reached there , it still sucks. there were only 2 dogs and one of them pissed girlgirl off by trying to hump her.

5)dearest couldnt send me home even though he had a car. it saddens me =(

6) im feeling all like crap and damn tired. guess i have been missing alot of sleep the last 2 days.

even though its crappy, lets look on the bright side

1) i finally got my diploma and over with that stupid blah blah blah school
2) i attended the ceremony for free~ it cost $190 leh
3) dearest impressed me again. he gave me things that he will never bear to give to himself. i appreciate it, thanks.

in conclusion, the crappy events outweighs the brightside. so im feeling crappy.

hai..

wee~ im back after settling some blog thing. real tired right now after do so much html codes for one day, i wanna take a rest bah. wahaha.

anyway i have changed the blog skin and added MUSIC PLAYER. this should add some entertainment to this blog bah. i personally love the songs in the player. if you dont like it, just shut it up. wahahaahhaa.

anyway after blogging for such a long time yesterday, i only managed to blog about what happened on the actual day of both off my sistas birthday. okay here comes the celebration part.
huizhen's birthday was rather simple. just a simple meal with us and her beloved at bugis. i do not remember taking pictures of it because i was in a rush so i did not bring my camera along. we had korean meal and it was nice lah. ended up eating alot of kimchi because it was free and drinking alot of spicy soup which again is free. wahaha.

oh shit, im getting more and more stingy leh!

after that we went to have some desert on the opposite road. the mango thingy was so damn nice lah. i would love to go there again and again!

in the end lia took her bike home and hz left bugis with her sweetie. LEFT ME AT BUGIS ALL ALONE ='C lol.

hope that she had a heart warming day with people who loves her =)

the next one was lia's birthday celebrations.

three of us attended this special event.

her birthday present this year is a ring and to match it up, hz and i both got ourselves one each. i remember last time we got rings for ourselves and in the end i lost it. wahahaha

this time round i wont lose it anymore. SO EXPENSIVE CAN.??? i wont lose it de lor! to add on, its so special right now. the rings was engraved with each other's name.

lia's ring with huizhen and my initials

huizhen's ring.
my ring

special right? wahahaha.

here are all our rings put together.

we proceeded to have our dinner at Mr Beans.

oops! caught you zilian wor!

went to play some games after that at minds cafe.

laughed until we cannot help it. some games are really damn funny lah.

went home with a tired body but obtained a pleasant experience.

the lightings are really beautiful.

do you like it?

changed my blogskin back to the previous that i had. guess i still love the simple design rather than the kiddish colourful skin. this is much soothing to the eyes uh? haha

need to get back to work.

blog later