woke up at 9am today. damn happy because i dont have to suffer in school today. BUAHAHA. if i were to be in school today, its gonna be another long day.='c




read my old open diary and wonder why the hell i ever type in that manner. couldnt figure some words that were there.my god, the last entry of that diary is like 2 years ago? most probably i click my old entries in this blog i will get the same reaction as reading the old open diary. perhaps if 2 years from now, i will laugh my broken english when reading this entry. =)




it was raining cats and dogs yesterday. the bloody rain so was bloody heavy that the water LEAKED into the bus i was on. couldnt even see what the heck was outside because of the pouring rain.


my mom called me when i was on the bus

Mom: just now you called huh?
Me: yeah, i wanna check if you are at home anot
Mom: ya i am at home
Me: okay i am going home now
Mom: DONT COME BACK NOW!! its raining so heavily
Me: -.- siao, im already on the bus



my mom is crazy. upon seeing this situation, usually the mothers will ask their kids to be home as soon as possible. WHAT THE HELL? she asked me not to go home cause it is raining? weird sia my mom.



30/03/06 =)



y-a-m

saw her just now when i was on my way back from school. she was wearing her jc uniform and walked pass me. we were like less than 30cm away so i can see her bloody clearly.



i was shock by what i saw, she changed alot. remember the last time i saw her, my jaws dropped to the floor and i could almost fist my mouth. then, i thought it was the cause of my failing eyesight. ya lah, maybe i couldnt see clearly and stuff.



today the situation shocked me totally. it was clear in the past how she feels about herself , one word to be exact. PRINCESS. yes, dont really know why the hell she made it so obvious to everyone she wants/is a princess from god-knows-where-the-hell-place-and-most-probably-the-place-sucks-imagine-a-place-with-her-as-a-princess.



i have to be honest, she was not bad looking ; can be considered as chio. saw her when i was sec 1 or 2 on the bus. she was still 'chio'. could even saw this two cock-eyed guys drooling when she alighted the bus.



guess retribution when you treat people so badly and think so highly of youself huh?


PLEASE BRING YOUR EYES DOWN? it shouldnt be on top of your head.



stunned.

it doesnt make sense.

really wonder what will the perception of people be if he was still here. most probably they couldnt understand why he refused to let go and still hold on so tightly after these years. many many whys and may even perceive him as irritating and annoying. the other party was seen more as a victim.


some things you can just never let go.



now he is just another tragedy of this game. nobody blames him but they just no longer pitied him like they used to.




**********************************************


yixian was suspposed to wake me up at 8 this morning. instead she SMS-ed me at around 8.30 asking if i just woke up or am i on the way. now, the plan for the morning was cancelled because nobody got up on time. muahahaa. find it a fortunate that i made yixian to wake me up instead of someone else. if not i will be standing there waiting like an idiot fumming like crap right now.



if i remembered correctly, something like this happened before with yixian and me. then again, i might be hallucinating..



Dont really understand why must there be a teacher, in the schools i go/went to, who has the destiny to make the students life miserable. c0incidentally, both of them is a she and somewhat they belong to the same group in terms of looks. abeit i dont really know the character of the current pest ( honestly i dont even know her name and i dont care) but i bet she is also somewhat like the one in my secondary school.


The idiotic teacher in my school can be characterized like this...

-irritating like fuck
-obviously she thinks that she is some fucking big shot
-por lan pa of people who has higher authority


lol, better quit before it gets too personal. i just hate people who are like this. CHEAPEN THEIR LIFE BY BOOTLICKING OTHERS. No wonder that year you did not get promoted, obviously she was someone who has eyes. MUAHAHAHAHAA



i think, therefore i am.

have a feeling that now i am making myself falling straight to the bottom. dont know why but im starting to think there is no meaning to everything , again. nobody is to be blame for this situation but me. really couldnt understand why i am doing things even when i know it will make me down.



i was okay, thought that i had gotten over all the crappy shit. yeah, thought . not the actual fact huh? guess when u burry something deep inside the ground, it will be there forever. you can pretend that it doesnt exist because you dont see it. the memories of it fades away with time. however hell comes when someone digs the crap out. the painful memories just gush out towards you and hit right on the face. that is when it really hurts.




no longer understand myself.....

just another stranger standing at the other side of the mirror.

was it me?

Linked him today.




very touched by the story and perhaps that is why i wanted to link him bah? the blog will never be updated again, never. maybe i will never have the courage but i feel the pain.



sad-

ALMOST died today. ALMOST.




for pe today, we .....


RAN :



Circumference of basketball court -2 rounds
( mind you, the basketball court is like two times larger compared to the pathetic one in westwood.)



Cirumference of basketball + tennis court - 2 rounds



Super duper extra long distance with slopes and stairs -4 rounds



so you can see what they emphasize on huh? The PE lessons is like 1 hour and 30minutes. my god. its so long sia. on top of that we did other equally tiring 'warm-up'. almost all the girls were whinning and panting like hell after the PE lesson. tough luck.




i was walking with a friend to the nearby bus stop after school. walked pass the community centre and there was this man sitting right in the middle of the grass patch. ( it wasnt meant for sitting ) when we walked pass, he started talking to us about the commonwealth games. -.- kinda more like shouting instead of talking. we were only looking at him and walking at the same time. so i guess it was more like a speech thingy ? haha. anyway did not really get what the heck he was talking about. the only two words that i could hear clearly was ' COMMONWEALTH GAMES'. SO why am i encoutering weird people again and again? i wonder why.....


perhaps you are reading this now.
yeah..



THIS

Changed my plans for today at least 4 times before settling with the current one. With people flying my bird and me flying theirs. that really shows that backup plans dont really work. need alternative,alternative , alternative planSSSSSS .




went to suntec for the food exhibition or fiesta ( it doesnt matter what the hell it is called) yesterday. Liyan thought that there was alot of food sampling around however the truth is not like this. somehow the food there is unusually expensive. ate a cup of TAIWAN ICECREAM with liyan for 3bucks. darn expensive and the only thing special about it is..... IT HAS DIFFERENT LAYERS. yup, that is all about it. buahahaha.




i am extremely thankful to Liyan. She is extremely patient when it comes to teaching. buahahaha. xie xie.




Talked to judy lim yesterday. She thought that i wanted to buy sports shoes. WHAT THE? when did i even say that i want? she was the one who wanted to get the shoes. i had only said that i wanted to buy uniform . so i guess both are things that relates to school and the thought of me wanting to buy shoes comes naturally to her.


then i told her i was gonna wear white shoes to school. her reply was


' I thought that people who go jc,mi wears sports shoe to school. why you so extra'



-.- lol, i also dont wanna be extra le. you give me money to buy lor. then i will be able to camouflage with the rest. =)



dirty white shoes.

Practised singing last night and recorded them. i had a really hard time singing. the songs i choose to practise with has high notes that i cant high notes. the most torment part is REPLAYING AND LISTEN TO WHAT WAS RECORDED.


WAH. pure torture sia. i actually thought that it would be okay when i was singing however from what i have heard, IM DEAD WRONG. haha. That did not stop me. i continued practising until 2plus at night. MUAHAHA. honestly it got worse and worse each time. stop until i come to a point that my throat starts to hurt.


woke up today and did the same thing. Perseverance work huh? ( whatever the spelling is). i actually sound better. BUAHAHA.



Starting to admire people who can actually sing well.


The quest for......


TALENT

finally bought a piggy bank today. its quite sad that i have to put my first buck in the first day i bought it. its only day ONE. dont really know what the hell i was thinking about.




tried to trick chinyee today. here is the scenerio :




Mr XXX wanted to know chinyee. however I refused to give MR XXX chinyee's number because i feel that he should get the permission first. so he will start off by using my handphone to message her. thought that the trick would go well as chinyee knows who MR XXX is, she seen him before.




the truth is, MR XXX is not even with me. i was only pretending. in the end, chinyee exposed the stupid trick. it wasnt a sucess at all. =)





anyway during the sms conversation the 'so-called' mr xxx (which i pretend to be) asked chinyee to grade his looks upon 100.


-.- chinyee only gave TWENTY.

fifteen for his looks and another five dunno for what crap.



okay, she doesnt mean it. she knew that it was a trick right from the start. HAHA...


lame trick right? aiya, bored lah.


childish

"White Flag"



I know you think that
I shouldn't still love you,
Or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it,
well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?



I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were



I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be



I know I left too much mess and destruction
to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
then I'm sure that that makes sense


I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be


And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was there
Will be there still I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think That I've moved on....



I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be



I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be



I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be




meaningless.

one plus one plus two.



four minus one plus one.


Minus one

Hongboon teached me A maths today. he almost vomite blood. really sorry that he had such a slow student like me. looking at the situation today i guess the chances of him teaching A maths again is LOW. very very low.



however i really need to learn my A maths by hook or crook. die die must learn so i guess i will approach him again for other session. so it is possible that i might add one back. =)



Plus One


Upon seeing this situation, i got to find someone else to teach me. so i turned to my cousin. BUT the tution lesson will only start at a much later time and not in the coming days or weeks. nevermind, i have the time to wait. =)



hang out with hongboon and osborn today. remembered alot of things from the past. really had a lot of fun then, missed all the times.



walked pass DAISO just now. we were all reminiscing about the time when Judy bought this cane outta this dare from hongboon and osborn. before that she was playing that with osborn and a man working there came to tell them off. it was really funny then. =)



really missed the times. haha.


we will still be


friends forever.

Forced myself to go to school yesterday just for the ONE stupid diploma talk. if i known earlier that its gonna be like this, i rather not go. since i know im gonna take the diploma no matter what so even if the diploma talk suck like what, im still going to take.




guess it is a good start for myself eh? by forcing myself to go to school yesterday. i dont really feel like going there. gonna spent like close to 7hours ( plus waking up and taking bus) just for that ONE hour of talk and freaking over some crap.




however since i have decided im gonna work extra hard for the next 3yrs and definitely not gonna like it, this is a good start. that proves that im .... starting to force myself to do things i dislike? haha.




if i have decided to at least TRY, why not do my best?






screw you people. i passed my maths okay. E-MATHS. thank you.

P-A-S-S-E-D! NOT D7 for godness sake.




im finishing it even when i couldnt. you wouldnt understand the pain im going through but at least I FINISH it, that is what that mattered. why cant appreciate it?




so what have you been doing? take care okay? slacking no more.




coz i dont want you to know where i am.
coz then you'll see my heart in its saddest its ever

BEEN

TALK TO ME NOW AND ALL YOU HEAR IS......


NON STOP COMPLAINING HITS. i can go on and on for eternity just like this.


Im tired.... im sleepy most of the time and everyday i only yearn to go home early to take nap. guess the holidays had really changed me. getting lazy and sloppy over the past urm 5months plus?



well, heard an inspiring speech from the principal today. can only say that he is very confident =)


still remember last year around this time. i have pledge to work hard, however i guess i have failed to do it. regrets. i really regreted it. hai.


no point whinning right now i guess...................


so i will complain!!
haha


complain-s

COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN .
COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN .
COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN .
COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN . COMPLAIN .


i have nothing but complains and more complains. =)

I was right. dont tell me i am fucking wrong. its damn obvious that you do not have the determination that you claimed to have. forget it, im so used to it.


yesterday i was out shopping. at one point my nose bleed so i used a piece of tissue paper and hold it near to my nostril. this is to let the blood land on the piece of tissue and not drip all over the place. YES, my nose bleeding is that serious that if i do not do anythin, it will drip.


i was walking with a piece of bloody tissue paper near my nose. NO, I DID NOT STICK IT IN. it seemed normal to me cause it always happen for some reason. i do not know what the others think. people around me should be 'xi guan' of this situation le...


so i walked pass this passage way with shops on the two sides. after walking pass this shop i heard one auntie exclaimed


'AIYO, YOU SEE THE PERSON. DIG HER NOSE UNTIL IT BLEEDS'


-.- WHAT THE FUCK. i dont even remember i had dig my nose. guess she just run down from some mountain top and did not know what is NOSE BLEED. are you trying to tell me that you get period every month cause you dig your...... ah forget it. so crude. haha.


saw two transex yesterday. they are not bad looking actually =) i was standing near the shop for like 10minutes and only when i was leaving then i realised. get to only see one of the two face. there is this sad look on the face. hai. hope you will be happier now okay?


Walk

Im upset again. perhaps im disgusted by the immaturity of human instinct.

maybe it is all the discrimination that drives people to the last resort, suicide. i know its dumb but honestly which position are you in to say that you are able to take all the misery and pressure people give?

if it were me, i cant. most probably i will choose the same solution like all the other victims of the tragedy. it pains me but i dont understand.

it really pains me...............

...

couldnt sleep last night. i was extremely worried about where to go. kept waking up in the middle of the night. of course lah, having such a result i should be having more sleepless nights.


okay, im now going where i wanted. gonna do a sua ku thing. go ask around how long it takes to go there. have to report at 7.30am on monday. dont know how i can survive. SHIT.


many of my friends have no where to go. honestly i dont worry for them. you guys did so my better compared to me. so you will 100% end up where you wanted =) JIA YOU!


-YAY

You asked me to trust you, to give you a final chance.

i said okay but inside of me, im hesitating.

chances, chances and more chances. guess that is what i have been doing for the last 5 years. im afraid that it will end up the same way it had before. im no longer what i am 5years ago. old le, i really dont have much time and energy to play around with you.

we shall see what will happen over the next 2months. but i doubt anything will.


im giving you, who is giving me?



nobody.